top of page
< Back

Steer Clear of Wedding Controversies

Steer Clear of Wedding Controversies

Wedding Vows - Does the Word "Obey" Offend You?


One bride told her wedding planner, "Our pastor was going over our vows with us, but when he read the words "obey your husband," I laughed out loud. He was offended and started on a lecture about how the wedding vows of the church say the wife should obey the husband.  How do I get out of this?"


Wedding vows are a controversial topic among today's modern brides.  If you're not a church-going couple, then it probably isn't even an issue - you'll simply change your wedding vows to say something to the effect of "love, honor, and cherish."


But if you're being married in the church, you may run into some resistance.  Wedding vows are meant to be your promise to one another.  And for many women devoted to their faith, it's a natural given that they'll "obey" their husband.  So what does that mean? 


Does it mean he barks orders at you all day and you dutifully do what he says?  No.  Obeying the husband, according to the church, is more about the father being the head of the family and leading his wife and kids toward a fulfilled life.  But if you dislike the word "obey," then you shouldn't include it in your wedding vows - simple as that. 


Any pastor who hasn't run into this problem before must be very new to the job.  It's rare to encounter one who openly disagreed with a bride about the exact wording of their wedding vows. 


As a couple, you can opt to simply write your own wedding vows instead of using a pre-printed version - this will hopefully get you out of the embarrassing confrontation with your pastor. 


Your groom may object to writing his wedding vows (many men don't feel comfortable writing heartfelt prose).  If he's worried, offer to work on them together - they don't have to be a surprise.  Then when the time comes to go over them with your pastor, let him know that you've created your own.


And if you still wish to use the traditional wedding vows, substituting the word "cherish" for "obey," then stand your ground.  Don't let anyone bully you into promising something you don't believe in. 


If you're a bride who does want to include "obey" in your wedding vows, then be proud of it - your faith and belief is equally as wonderful as the brides who want their modern independence.  To each her own.



Wedding Sex - Virgin or Not, It's a Sacred Event


Question from Bride: "My husband is a virgin but I am not. I feel guilty that he saved himself for marriage. How can I make our wedding sex special when I've already had sex before with other men?"


Wedding sex is on a whole new level.  Traditionally, people were supposed to wait until marriage, but it's more of a rarity among couples today.  If you're a religious couple, chances are higher that you've saved yourself for an amazing night of wedding sex.


But it's more than just sex, regardless of whether or not you've been romantically entangled with someone previously.  Wedding sex is the first moment the two of you will give yourselves to one another as husband and wife.


Even if you've already had intercourse with one another, wedding sex will be memorable and romantic and special because you've just joined your hearts in a celebration of commitment forever.


If you're a virgin bride, you may have a lot of anxiety about wedding sex.  That's normal and your groom will probably understand if you're open about your fears.  The key is to make it an intimate moment.  Read some guides that deal with intimacy, not just the act of sex itself. 


Make sure you take your time and don't rush your intimate moments that night.  Wear something special for your wedding sex - lingerie fit for a beautiful bride.  Linger in your first moments as husband and wife.  And most of all - enjoy yourself!


Some couples even find wedding sex is out of the question after several days filled with high-stress, long hours and partying.  That's okay, too.  No one said you MUST have sex on your wedding night.  You want it to be special, so save it for when you're full of energy if you want to!


You may even want to have a ceremony before the intimacy takes place (especially if you're worried about not being a virgin bride).  You can write vows only your husband will hear about devoting your body to him and he to you - anything romantic will do the job.



Wedding Guestbook - Your Signature Not Wanted!


Let's get real, ladies - sometimes you just don't like some people.  And on your wedding day, you sure don't want to have someone lined up to sign your wedding guestbook who makes your skin crawl. 


But how do you tactfully go about not inviting such a buffoon?  And what about those clueless idiots who assume they're invited and start talking to you about showing up?  Have you resigned yourself to the fact that their signature will be one of the ones in your wedding guestbook - or are you going to do something about it? 


Professional wedding planners often work with brides who make them the bad guy.  Most don't mind. They know it's difficult to un-invite a guest or tell them they're not invited without breaking down in tears because the bride has enough stress on them already without worrying about who's going to be showing up and signing the wedding guestbook.


But when you stroll down the aisle, when you dance at your reception, you should only be surrounded by those who make you happy.  If that means not inviting the boss, or telling your mom's best friend of 30 years she's not going to be able ruin your day by signing in one line 21 of your wedding guestbook, so be it! 


Some brides have to sit down with their parents and explain that their best friends, acquaintances, or neighbors aren't going to be receiving an invitation.  The mother of the bride might be disappointed, but they should stand by your decision on who you want signing in to your wedding guestbook.


If anyone scolds you about who won't be putting pen to paper on your wedding guestbook, just say, "This is my day and I really don't want people there who I don't feel very close to."


If you want to take the soft way out, you can always claim it's just a small affair - immediate family only.  But what if it isn't?  What if every man, woman, and child within a 100-mile radius is coming but the person who makes your skin crawl?  Will you cave and look back on your wedding guestbook 20 years from now and see their name in print?  


Don't do it.  Be a bride with guts.  This is your one day where everything should be about you - your non-invited guests can nurse their wounds at home with a tub of Ben and Jerry's and maybe they'll correct the behavior that leads other people to not want them included in their wedding guestbook. vs. - Who Has Bridal Supremacy?


Bridal wars have broken out between brides on vs.  Wonder who reigns supreme when it comes to which site has the nicer, more elegant brides? This may sound trivial but in the world of weddings, the bride wearing the gown mean as much as the gown itself.


When you're logging online to make friends in the same boat you are in, you have to consider the two powerhouse communities - vs.  Some brides have complained that Knot brides are not very welcoming to those new to the nuptial arena.


When you first start considering vs., you notice that the content is very similar (although Wedding Channel has slightly more content). If you delve deeper in to the site, you'll see that Wedding Channel brides have fewer flame wars, a more diverse audience, and enthusiasm that overflows from thread to thread.


However, when it comes to vs., The Knot wins when it comes to finding what you need.  They showcase more items for sale and more tools you can use to plan your wedding.


If a wedding community appeals to you, then there's no comparison when it comes to vs. - Wedding Channel wins hands down.  But if you're a bride logging on for information rather than camaraderie, then you'll be more includes to enjoy what The Knot has to offer.


Bridal supremacy isn't an idea that has only one winner - whether it's between wedding websites or the brides themselves.  Each one has its own unique point of view, and a battle between and doesn't serve to better the wedding societies online - because every bride can take what they need or want from each site and apply it to their own wedding planning strategy.


If you're a bride considering whether to engage in discussions with brides at vs., make sure you keep your cool and don't get mired in the immature antics of a few spoiled apples.  Planning a wedding is stressful enough - you don't need meaningless disagreements to ruin this special time in your life.

bottom of page