Trouble Was Brewing - What Were the Ingredients?
Right now, I’m going to ask you to do something nearly impossible because you’re not thinking clearly – even though you probably think you are. When your heart is broken from a breakup – even if you did the breaking up – it clouds your true vision of the past.
But I need to know one thing…
What Caused the Split with Your Ex?
This is our #1 priority right now because if you can't be honest with yourself about why this relationship ended (and that means knowing your contribution to it), then it'll be like trying to save a sinking cruise ship with a thimble - it won't work no matter how hard you try.
I have a strategy in mind for you, but it's going to cause you to get raw. You may even shed tears and feel hopeless along the way - but in the end you'll come out stronger and more satisfied than ever - with or without your ex by your side.
First, we're going to dissect your past relationship. Maybe even a few others you've been in to see if you're a repeat offender - or a magnet for people who aren't right for you.
Then we're going to heal your broken heart. You can't fight a battle when you're wounded.
Next, we’re going to see if this “ex” should be an ex for a reason – or if they’re really as great as you make them out to be in your mind.
If your ex passes muster, then I’ll show you how to use a few tricks to make your ex miss you and make them want to initiate communication with you again.
Once you’re past this step, it’s pretty much smooth sailing – as long as you don’t screw it up. I’ll hold your hand so you don’t (just in case). I’ll teach you how to have a great relationship with this person and how to “live happily ever after” as they say in the world of Disney.
I’ll even show you what to do if someone or something gets in your way – (another lover perhaps)? It could be any number of things but cheating is a prevalent problem with relationships.
Are you brave enough to fight for your love?
I hope so because if it’s not worth fighting for, then you shouldn’t be reading this – you should just click out and move on right now.
Speaking of moving on, short of holding someone hostage, which I don’t recommend, you might wind up being one of the unlucky ones – where your ex digs in his or her heels and refuses to get back together.
I personally consider this good luck – because who wants to be with someone who doesn’t want them back? You need someone who would jump in front of a train to save you or walk on water to prove their love for you.
No, from my viewpoint – if you go through this strategy and your ex still says no – you should feel relief that they didn’t lead you on or give in “just because” – content to be in a passionless relationship the rest of their lives (which many people do – you can probably name a few examples of this kind of relationship based on people you know).
You should (and will by the time I’m done with you), feel lucky.
So, let’s get on with it. Why did your relationship end? Let’s cover some of the most common problems that ruin an otherwise great relationship. Once you can pinpoint the problem, it’ll be much easier to see if it’s something you’re able to repair.
Was It …The Fact That One of You Were Controlling?
Call it what you will but they’re all the same thing – pathetic. And I don’t mean that in an insulting way. It’s sad, that’s all – sad that we develop into people so consumed with the business of other people that we feel insecure.
You are two separate people, but sometimes the guy or girl will get amnesia and start to believe you were both born Siamese twins – joined at the hip and unable to lead two different lives.
I have news for you – Siamese twins always wish they could be separated, and it probably made you or your ex cut ties out of desperation. Clingy partners are high maintenance and it exhausts the person you’re with.
Sometimes, the person being “clung to” won’t give you notice that that’s how they feel you’re behaving – they’ll simply move on and leave you behind. But sometimes they’ll see your other qualities and realize you may not be aware.
If they give you one chance to change, and after knowing what the problem is, you don’t, then you may have a more serious issue to repair.
Was It…Because Someone Cheated?
This is a really hard one to get over. Not only are you emotionally hurt but you can’t stomach even letting your ex’s lips touch yours because you know they’ve been somewhere else.
Or if you were the offender, you can’t stomach your own guilt about it, always groveling to your ex to let you make it p to them. Either way, until you can stand up tall and accept that it was a mistake by either you or your ex and move past it, nothing’s going to change.
It doesn’t matter how soon or how far back it happened.
It doesn’t matter who it was with.
It doesn’t matter how long it lasted.
What matters is that whoever cheated feels true remorse. If not, then the relationship is doomed to suffer from this again and again.
You should both be allowed to voice your feelings about the situation. Try to see it from your partner’s point of view. But then you have to size up the possibility that this could happen in the future a second time.
If you can reasonably rebuild trust, then repairing the relationship is doable. But if you’re suspicious that you or your partner will cheat again, don’t prolong the relationship anymore.
Was It…Money That Got in Your Way?
If you two were in a real grown-up relationship, then you might have already been living together and sharing finances. Money causes a lot of divorces, and if you’re not on the same page, it causes a lot of resentment.
So if finances were the root – what was it? Did one of you resent the fact that the other made more? Did the one making less spend more? Did you keep suffering from debt stress so you were unable to enjoy the romance you two shared?
It’s often just the way you were raised. Some people were raised with financially sound parents who showed them the value of a dollar, made them save allowance for treats, etc. Others were given everything and therefore don’t know about working hard for the money to buy their special items.
Money should never be a control issue.
When you’re in a relationship where the income is being used to promote a household, then it’s beneficial if both partners have a hand in paying bills and maintaining control over the budget.
But sometimes, it’s not couples who are living together that have money problems. Sometimes it might be something as simple as the boyfriend being annoyed that even though they aren’t on first dates anymore, he’s still having to foot 100% of every night out.
Or it could be that the woman prefers to pay her way and it makes her boyfriend feel uncomfortable. There are many ways money can come between you and your significant other if you let it.
If you’re willing to handle your finances like two responsible people, then this can work. There is middle ground for the thrifty and spendaholics. Your goal is the same – to enjoy life.
Was It…That Your Ex Wasn’t Good Enough for You?
Were you always trying to change something about your ex or was he or she always trying to change something about you? Your weight? Your addiction to work? The number of times you called your dear old mom each day?
There are some couples who start this annoying habit of trying to change one another shortly after they get together. They don’t come right out and say it (well some do, actually – but most are more covert about it).
Instead, they do things like this:
If they want to change the other person’s style, they buy them new clothes.
If they want to change their group of friends, they conveniently create plans that don’t allow them to hang out with their old group.
It’s so subtle at first. They start saying things like, “Gosh you would look SO amazing with a shorter haircut!” (If it’s a girl trying to get her long-haired boyfriend to clean up a bit).
A guy might make his girlfriend conform by making her jealous, saying something like, “Man Megan Fox has the most beautiful, long luscious hair – isn’t it sexy?” Well of course she doesn’t want to be one-upped by Miss Fox, so she starts growing it out (and maybe even using dark hair dye on it).
Don’t do it.
If you aren’t with this person because of who they are, then find someone you can love as is. Everyone’s looking for unconditional love – and that means not trying to change them. If you were the one being changed, then you’ll know how bad it hurts to feel like there are conditions to your lover wanting you.
Was It…Because One of You “Lost That Loving Feeling?”
Chemistry dies out like a fire if you don’t stoke it once in a while. Humans have needs – both emotional and physical. They need to be caressed, held, hugged, kissed, listened to, flirted with, and desired.
Your relationship routine might have made your ex feel starved for whatever it was they didn’t get anymore – that very stuff that made your stomachs and hearts flutter when you first started dating.
If he or she was starving, then chances are you weren’t getting everything out of the pairing that you wanted as well. What were you lacking in the relationship? What was missing?
Was It a Combination of Any of the Above?
Most relationships don’t crumble because of one single issue. When one thing comes in between two people, they usually recognize it and work things out amicably – unless it’s a deal breaker like, “she wants kids and I don’t.”
You might even see the breakup as a result from one of the above issues while your ex would pinpoint something totally different. Maybe you thought it was the fact that you spent no time together, but he thought it was the nagging you did.
Perhaps she felt you lacked passion in your relationship but you thought it was more about giving each other needed space. You can’t assume that what you feel is what your ex felt when the relationship ended. But you’ll find out why they aren’t with you soon enough.