The Details of the Split Will Affect Your Chances of Getting Back Together
The underlying causes aren’t the only determining factor as to whether or not this reconciliation is going to happen. The effort you have to put into this relationship repair quest will depend on how bad the breakup was.
For example, if the cops were called – it was bad.
If you caused him to lose his job because you phoned his boss and shared some secrets with his employer – it was bad.
Those kinds of breakups are at one end of the spectrum – the dirty, nasty end where the breakup was so explosive it might take years for the parties to forgive and forget.
On the other end of the spectrum, you have the amicable splits.
These are the, “It’s not you, it’s me” dialogues you and your ex had, where one person is trying to spare the feelings of another.
It’s also one of the rarer situations.
Most breakups are caused when two people get on each other’s nerves so bad that they argue verbally.
They say mean things they regret later. They end it all in the middle of a fight, and later wish they’d kept their mouths shut.
The Rollercoaster Breakup
Were you and your ex broken up and back together – every other day? I’ve seen millions of these types of couples (and I even had one of these relationships once upon a time). You stay in this honeymoon phase for a few months and then the grievances set in and you blurt out, “It’s over” only to say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it,” 10 minutes later.
A rollercoaster breakup eventually ends for good and when that happens, one of you is going to be shocked. You’ll expect to be able to get back together and the other person will be ready to get off the up and down emotional ride they’ve been on with you.
This type of breakup is easily repairable but you have to make a commitment to stop the breakups that are remnants of a 7th grade romance once and for all.
Either you’re in or you’re out – which is it going to be?
The Cold Shoulder Breakup
With this type of breakup, communication slowly dries up until you’re to the “not speaking” stage. Suddenly, there are no more return phone calls, no replies to your text messages, and no emails for you to wake up to.
With this type of breakup, if you gave the cold shoulder, it’ll be easy to get your ex back – because they were left with no closure. Even if they gave you the cold shoulder, it’s not going to be too difficult to get your ex back because they’re going to be somewhat plagued with guilt over shutting you out.
You’ll just need to carefully weasel your way back into their life – and I’ll show you how.
The Physical Breakup
Unless you’re a masochist, you’ll want to leave this relationship behind and not look back. Physical breakups are those where the woman slaps, or the guy punches (either his girlfriend or a hole in the wall).
You don’t need this kind of drama in your life and personally I don’t feel like it’s ethical to help someone learn how to get back in an abusive relationship. And by the way, it’s not just guys who abuse.
Ever seen Jon and Kate + 8? She smacks him around quite a bit on camera – and that’s very tame. There are many women who know their boyfriend won’t hit back, so they toss around the slaps and abuse with reckless abandon.
Could you get this ex back? Probably, but I’m not going to help you!
The Not Really Broken Up Breakup
“Friends with benefits” is really what this is. I had a friend once whose “boyfriend” was only officially coupled up with her when he wanted sex. He would conveniently pick a fight with her the next day and be single, free to date again.
Then when he wanted her again, he’d make up with her – and she’d be all doe-eyed about his return with roses, let him in her bed again, and repeat the cycle over and over. It was ridiculous, but she couldn’t (or didn’t want to) admit that she was being used.
Take a good look – are one or both of you using each other? If a casual fling is what you want, then don’t slap a label like “relationship” on it – because it’s not a traditional coupling.
Now That You Know, It’s Time to Back Off
I don’t care which of the three types of breakups you and your ex suffered – the prescription is the same for all of them – time out!
I want you to back off and give yourself some room between you and your ex. This is VERY hard to do – especially when all you want to do is run back in this person’s arms, tell them you love them, and secure the relationship forever.
But unless you put space between the two of you, you won’t achieve that goal. You’ll be pushing and pushing your ex to reconcile and they’ll be resisting you with every ounce of strength that they have.