Know Your Measure of Compatibility
It’s important for you to know exactly how you measure compatibility with someone you first meet or try and get to know. Of course, there are deal breakers that you won’t give up no matter what – but you may be measuring too rigidly.
Compatibility in a relationship consists of many things – chemistry, interests, values and more. One may not be as strong as the other, but they should at least come together to create feelings of love and admiration.
Have You Been Too Rigid with a List?
Many people have a list that includes so many must-haves in a relationship that they never find anyone. It’s good to have deal breakers such as verbal or physical abuse, but some on the list might be considered nit-picky.
It might be time to loosen up about things you might be able to live with. Think about what you put on the list that doesn’t really bother you, but would be nice to have. It’s like whipped cream on a piece of pie.
It would be nice to have it, but you could eat the pie and enjoy it without the whipped cream. Your entire list may be deal breakers to you and you may not be able to find anyone who fits the bill exactly.
Unless you reassess the list of must-haves and deal breakers and consider what you think are annoying traits compared to the real deal breakers, it’s likely to be very difficult to find a person you can live with and love.
Even if you won’t consider giving up some of your list of soulmate requirements, give people a chance. You may find that his/her other qualities far outweigh some of the small and annoying habits.
You may not notice some of the good qualities until you get to know him/her a bit. You may find you simply cannot tolerate the bad habits and they outweigh the good qualities, but at least you need to give it a chance.
If something s/he does makes you feel uncomfortable, talk about it. Don’t be afraid to open up and tell him/her just how you feel about something that makes you skittish about continuing with the relationship.
Those feelings vary with every person. You may not think it’s a big deal that s/he is late for everything, while another person might call it a deal breaker. If you talk to the person about it, s/he can either change or continue. In that case, you have to make a decision about whether or not the bad habit is too much.
At some point in the relationship everyone must decide if this person truly meets all the criteria on your list that’s most important to you. Those are qualities that can’t be compromised.
What Qualities Will Your Soulmate Possess?
A true soulmate understands you. It might take a while for this important quality to happen, but when it does, you’ll know you’ve found a person who really gets what you’re all about.
Other qualities you might consider important include a sense of humor, ambitions and career goals in life, gentleness and love of animals. You have a vision of a soulmate relationship that is unique.
One person may want to find a soulmate who wants to have children while another doesn’t. Or, you may enjoy being with a sensitive person, whereas another may want a less sensitive partner.
Whatever your vision of a soulmate is, there are some character traits that you should look for. The quality of generosity is one of the most important to look for. Money isn’t the only measure of generosity.
S/he should also be generous with his/her attention and time. Commitment is another trait that should be high on the quality list. You can tell by their words and actions whether you can depend on this person when there is sacrifice and effort involved.
Is your view of the world the same? If the world s/he wants to live in is vastly different from your view, the relationship is likely to be in jeopardy from the get-go. For example, you may be an animal lover who wants a menagerie of animals in a big home with a yard.
S/he may want just the opposite – an apartment in the center of town with no animals at all to care for. There might be allergies or fear of animals involved, but if you can compromise and keep your word, the relationship might work and evolve over time.
Are your possible soulmate’s emotions a roller coaster that tests your patience and makes you tired from dealing with it? You may never know where you stand with this type of person or what made him/her jump from one extreme to the other.
Look for a partner who is consistent in his/her emotions and can discuss with you why s/he becomes emotional in certain situations. If you’re the one who exists on an emotional roller coaster, see a counselor who can help you become more grounded.
If you prefer a person who takes pride in their appearance, stays healthy by eating well and exercising and takes care of his/her home and possessions, you won’t find a soulmate who lacks these qualities.
They shouldn’t be obsessive in their self-care, but takes responsibility for it. They will more likely care about pleasing you. There are some qualities essential to you when forming a life-long relationship. Don’t settle for less.
Deal Breakers Can Derail Happiness or Prevent Catastrophes
Sometimes your deal breakers might actually be a preference. Don’t miss out on finding your soulmate because you’re too rigid in your expectations. But, don’t dismiss a deal breaker that’s important to you.
For example, if you want children after marriage, it’s doubtful you would be happy with someone who doesn’t. Maybe you cringe when you go out to dinner because s/he’s rude to the server or always drinks too much. Annoyance or deal breaker?
Some people have a bad habit of always sending food back after they’re served. Once in a while is acceptable – especially if they really mess up your order – but what if it’s a normal occurrence?
You might see future problems if it is. What if s/he’s stingy with money? It’s one thing to be frugal, but if your potential soulmate never pays his/her fair share of the tab, it may predict trouble in paradise.
Also, beware of the person who talks trash about his/her exes. That should be a huge red flag for you. Deal breakers might include not having any friends or never making plans to introduce you to his family.
And, if s/he isolates you from others and demands that you spend most of your time with him/her, turn and run. That type of behavior could turn into abusive. When you begin to date a person and a nagging feeling that something is wrong won’t go away, it’s likely time to part.
S/he might not be him/herself because s/he’s been through a traumatic period in life such as a bad divorce or a death in the family. After a while you can tell if the person is just going through a bad time or if it’s a situation within him/her that won’t likely get better.
You might have a tendency to overlook red flags in the beginning, but at some point you must address the issues that are important to you. It’s important to trust your instincts, but it’s also important to recognize and not dismiss deal breakers that could turn into real problems in the future.
You won’t find a perfect match, but you can find a soulmate who will complement you. Never believe that you can transform a person after you enter into a long-term relationship or marriage. It won’t happen.
What to Do If a Potential Soulmate Has a Problem with You
Just as you have deal breakers for a potential soulmate, s/he also has some likes and dislikes that aren’t negotiable. If you date a person for a while and s/he clearly seems to like you and you’re falling head over heels, a rejection can be devastating.
Maybe s/he’s decided that your lifestyle isn’t what s/he wants – maybe you want to live in the suburbs and s/he doesn’t. Whatever the reason, it’s a good thing to be able to talk it out and find out how serious you both are about your deal breakers.
You may be willing to change some little things, like talking during a movie. It may seem like nothing to you, but to him/her, it could be beyond annoying. It would be a shame if you didn’t know and the relationship ended over something so small.
Make it a point to discuss anything you feel is not only just annoying, but the bigger things too. Sometimes things evolve during a relationship. For example, perhaps you were against living abroad, but you might change your mind after you travel a bit.
It takes time and flexibility to realize what each of you really want and care about in a relationship. Don’t give up until you explore how you both feel about the things that simply annoy you.
Entering into a relationship is thrilling and the tendency is to immerse yourself in the feelings of love and spend every moment with your new-found potential partner. Be sure to keep your own life on tap.
S/he may end the relationship because s/he isn’t feeling the same way and you’ll be left without the friends and lifestyle you dropped for him/her. You can’t control the other person, but you can control how you react to rejection.
It’s okay to ask why you’re being rejected, but be classy about the breakup. If there aren’t any deep feelings on the part of the other person, it’s better to go your separate ways. You can’t force love.
When you do find out what went wrong in the relationship, decide if it’s something you’re willing to change or work on. If the change will make you unhappy and unfulfilled, don’t agree to the change.
There will be days that you’re happy and confident in the relationship and others that make you wonder if it’s really what you want. Both people in a relationship may be questioning his/her choice at times, but openness with each other goes a long way in repairing a misunderstanding or putting light on a bad situation.